I’ve begun muttering to myself as I walk around Boston the simple phrase “other people.”
Yes, I likely have lost my mind. Mostly, even with hours at the gym, bottles of vodka and a fantastic pet, living in the city still stresses me the hell out.
Why in the world would it be okay to stand on an escalator with your rolling bag on the side of you, so you’re blocking the entire stair? Why???
When you’re in a hallway, why is it okay to walk 3 people across? Many Boston streets can’t handle 2 cars across, why do you think it’s okay to block traffic on the sidewalk? I like that you have friends, frankly it’s amazing, but do you need to walk as a group?
When standing in line at the coffee shop, for a T-pass, getting on the train, waiting for the ATM machine, IN THE PRESENCE OF STRANGERS, why is it okay to scream into your cellphone? I don’t care if you have eggs Benedict for dinner, or if you forgot to pick up your dry cleaning, and I’m willing to bet that the other 30 people who can hear you don’t care either.
This will be unpopular but: if you have more than 2 or more small children, please, for the sake of pedestrians, get one of those strollers that stacks the kids like firewood, instead of the one that lays them out like slices of bread in a toaster oven. Your kids are, I’m sure, adorable and squeezable in every single way, but by having Billy, Bobby and Ben in that damn 3-across stroller, you’re taking up as much space as those aforementioned group walkers. And to you baby carriers: Bless you.
While I’m on the subject of kids, I might as well offend a few more people. When you’re on the train and you allow your 4 children to each take up 4 different seats during rush hour, you automatically become hated. Just wanted to outline that for you. Most hated person on the train. Even more than that frat boy who didn’t give his seat up for the elderly woman.
And finally, if you don’t hold the door for people behind you then don’t be surprised when you hear a low chant of “other people…other people… THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE WORLD!!!” followed by a swift kick to the back of your left knee. I’m kidding. Mostly.
