Usually, it’s every man/woman for him/herself when discussing anything with me. I don’t condone the use of explosives, though I do demand the use of expletives - how else am I supposed to know you really believe something? - when discussing any particular topic. But I generally enjoy when people bring their “A” game, their passion and sometimes even their crazy to any given conversation.
So generally, when having a conversation with me, and probably with any Type A, slightly overly analytical asshole (in no particular order):
1) Try to stay away from interjecting. Not being allowed to finish my sentences distracts me. And if I get distracted we will never get back to the topic at had, as I tend to tangentially ramble. (Incidentally, can you ramble without a tangent? Should I have just said “I tend to go off on tangents?” or perhaps “I tend to ramble?” DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM?)
2) Using absolutes will just make me want to play devil’s advocate. And while I’m a spectacular devil and advocate, it doesn’t always make for an excellent conversation.
3) Don’t be afraid of insulting me. I like it rough. No, sincerely, if you find yourself thinking something, just say it, and if I’m insulted, I’ll respond with something very mature like “No, you get in the bowl!” or “You’re a poopface!” and we’ll move on. (More on my snarky responses later.)
4) Don’t dwell on something unless you are fine with me dwelling as well. I once dwelt on one aspect of a conversation for 10 minutes. Everyone around me fell asleep, but I sat, head in hand, dwelling eagerly in places no one should/would dwell. We all play the hand we’re dwelt. (This leads to 4(a) Please pun. A lot.)
5) If you find yourself upset/lost/hurt/going-slowly-insane and you’d like to back out of our conversation, chocolate or wine is always the answer. Example: Man, she has been talking about this damn tweet for twenty minutes. Maybe I’ll try to distract her with this sparkly object… no, damn, that only worked for a second. Yes, someone brought in cookies! Here, girl, herrreee’s some cookies!!
6) Most importantly, if you’re going to be snarky or catty, you have to be okay with me throwin’ a little right back at you. If you’re easily offended by remarks of “Hey! You’re an asshole!” or even something more clever like “You smell like feet, how can I take anything you say seriously?” then I suggest that you save the snark for your passive aggressive interactions online.
