September 2011
1 post
Andante
There are no words to sum up the last month. I am tired, achy, hungry, annoyed, angry, sad, tired… Just so tired. Work today was so… It was just such a chore, a job to make it through today. This week. These last few weeks.
This night, other than my foul mood, is rather lovely… I have to admit. There’s a stillness… as I walk further and further from the train, I can feel the night calm me down.
...
July 2011
1 post
The Sound and the Fury...
As I’ve left this place pretty dusty, I feel as though I should give an explanation.
In short: I didn’t want to be mean.
When you have nothing nice to say… blah blah blah.
Recently I’ve had an epiphany:
Eff that.
So here it is, bullet style:
The infamous song tells us that the internet is for pron, but really, if you look around here, it’s for advertisements,...
May 2011
1 post
WatchDiego’s dreaming of something…
April 2011
1 post
It is everywhere isn't it?
I just had a thought - let me poop it out all over the internet!
Every time someone tweets, then posts the same feelings on their Facebook wall, then blogs about it, I have to wonder if repeating themselves helps at all.
Or perhaps what I am witnessing is, as Albert Einstein defined it, insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
March 2011
3 posts
3 tags
Crayons
At one point, we all had similar boxes of crayons and we all colored our own simple pictures.
Now that we’re older and some of us have better, newer, cooler boxes of crayons AND bigger, prettier and more fulfilling pictures to color, we find ourselves comparing crayons, pictures and levels of completeness.
That’s all natural, I’m sure. Though why we feel the need to be...
It was a simple discussion about lotion...
me: picture it: coworker's office, an hour ago. He leans over to grab his special bottle of men's vaseline lotion. He puts the lotion on the back of his left hand. He then turns his right hand over and rubs the backs of his hands together to spread it. I couldn't look away, I then told him "I feel like I'm watching an animal in a zoo! WTF are you doing?!"
M: I feel like I am reading porn
me: lol wow, you need to step away from your desk for awhile if lotion and the backs of hands remind you of pron. Get out some more...
M: HA no, I mean, oh god...
1 tag
Train people
Some of the genus homo and the species trainius:
Perhaps the most pitied of homo trainius is The Meat. This poor guy/gal is stuck in the middle seat, reading the paper while sitting next to a very large man who is leaning on him/her and a recent-college-grad who is listening to and humming along with Rage Against the Machine.
The Jerky Trainster can read his/her blackberry, listen to an iPod,...
February 2011
5 posts
WatchMy dog and his girlfriend on a typical afternoon.
1 tag
Work friends = bffs
Frankly, there should be a 10th category to this now classic SF Gate article on Facebook friends: the work friends. I’d also like this article expanded to include Twitter followers. Same rules apply… minus pictures + website links.
Before I justify my thought: I AM GUILTY OF EVERYTHING I TYPE. (Except playing “Words with Friends” I refuse… there’s no actual...
I got skillz
Recently a friend made a typically snide comment about the length of my email.
Apparently, it was so long that it had to have taken me ages to tap out all of that out on my iPhone.
Hah.
I could probably re-type “War and Peace” faster on the iPhone than on a keyboard.
Some of us have actual skills; I should find a job that requires very small, flexible thumbs.
Any day that includes this conversation is...
MK: I have to show you this picture
Me: LOL! WTF is that?!
MK: Let me introduce you to my cousin... the whore.
Rules of dis course.
Usually, it’s every man/woman for him/herself when discussing anything with me. I don’t condone the use of explosives, though I do demand the use of expletives - how else am I supposed to know you really believe something? - when discussing any particular topic. But I generally enjoy when people bring their “A” game, their passion and sometimes even their crazy to any...
January 2011
6 posts
I skated
While not a big deal to most, ice skating is the equivalent of a trip to the mall for most guys, or learning to change the oil in a 1980 Ford Bronco - it can be unpleasant, and in my head, why do it more than once?
But, as our neighbors have put in a skating rink in the backyard for the 2nd year, and I really don’t want to go to the gym… there you have it! A little workout in my...
1 tag
Legal drugs. Use them or STFU. →
This will make you stronger, better, and more attractive. Maybe not. But it will make you want to kill people just a little less.
To be blunt...
I was asked to review a few blogs, as I’ve once again proven that I’ve read THE ENTIRE INTERNET, and…
well, sometimes I just want to tell them that I fell asleep reading their blog.
Gah. That’s so mean.
Instead I make suggestions about “less fluff, more substance” (stop with the exclamation points) and “focus less on the details of a story”...
1 tag
I am not dead.
Nor have I stopped snarking. (heaven forbid!)
I haven’t felt the tumblr love in a while… with the outtages and the holidays, not a whole lot of time to dedicate to tumblring.
And I was doing a little of this:
And a whole lot of this:
Can you blame me for not blogging?
November 2010
1 post
Mrs. Traeger was right
When I was 8 I wasn’t asked to a sleep over at Lacey’s house. She was the “coolest” girl in school - at the time I went to a private school, so really, being popular wasn’t difficult - and Lacey had a birthday party that didn’t include plain-brown-shoe wearing me.
I cried. I remember looking into my tinted mirrored wall - it was the late 80s, after all - and...
October 2010
8 posts
3 tags
Reason #692 to hate Facebook
Drive-by-Facebooking has become a popular means of passive communication.
For example, say you misspell a word in your status update. (Heaven forbid!!) Instead of drawing attention to it in a normal way - “dude, learn how to spell!!” - someone posts on your wall, or comments directly on your status with a “oh, it should be ‘asshole’ not ‘asshat,’ just so you know.” And then they DELETE the...
2 tags
2 tags
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
– Mark Twain
1 tag
Broken record
Dude. I get it. You’re in relationship. I can tell because your facebook status says “In a relationship with FirstNameUnoriginalLastName” Congratulations, I’m happy, really.
But, in between your political musings, you’re posting pictures of you and Quite Possibly The Most Boring Woman Ever SUCKING FACE. Stop it. I couldn’t abide by that shiza when my...
1 tag
It's always sunny when it's raining.
My first grade teacher used to tell us when we had to have inside recess that “if you want it to be, it’s always sunny when it’s raining.”
As a five year old, I took that to mean that we can turn the lights on when it got dark outside.
Pretty good for a first grader, eh?
Sometimes though, even at almost-30, I still can’t reach the damn lights.
Crazy is as crazy does
I’m sure someone very wise said this, and then eventually it ended up in a trashy romance novel or as a quote in an 80s movie and that’s how I came across it, but it holds true nonetheless:
We attract what we are.
Therefore, I’m going to try to tone down the crazy. I will no longer lower myself down to the muck and mire of idiocy, instead, I will swim above in that real of...
“Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think
Yet it dominates the things I...”
– selected lyrics from Mumford & Sons “Roll Away Your Stone”
Reason I'm a weird #2,402
Sometimes I go home and just smell my chipotle seasoning because it smells that amazing.
I would dab it behind my ears, but I’d look like my chihuahua, spinning in circles trying to catch the awesome.
September 2010
5 posts
1 tag
I adore food. But I'm sick of lunch.
Have you ever googled: “menu planning lunches?” Most of the answers that pop up are mommy blogs, giving busy moms ideas for lunches to pack for their kiddos.
As much as I love pb&j sammiches, or some tomato soup with grilled cheese, I’m mostly an adult, and I need some lunch ideas for a somewhat discerning palate.
Even searching on Epicurious results in suggestions for...
“…human beings, all over the earth, have this curious idea that they ought...”
– The Case for Christianity, C.S. Lewis
Hi, Can I Have Some Money?
I’m sure we’ve all gotten this before, but I gotta say:
When out of the blue I get a letter or an email requesting money for some race that a friend is running, biking, walking, whatevering in order to raise money for cancer, aids, diabetes, whatever, I only have 2 thoughts.
I think it’s fantastic that you’re choosing to raise money for such a noble cause, but if you...
Prude, Whore or Just Right?
I logged into Facebook a few minutes ago and accidentally clicked on my own profile. Whoa, I have 321 friends?! How did that happen?!
I text/email with MAYBE 20 or so people regularly, and another 15 or so sporadically, so how in the world could I have 321 “friends” on F’book?
Scrutinizing my list, there are 4 categories:
Friends from college - I was involved in...
1 tag
The Best
Good music, good food, good friends… those things are THE BEST.
What’s not the best? Endlessly questioning my own self-worth - what am *I* bringing to the world?! -
debating internally whether someone meant to be hurtful - the word “special” can mean so many different things -
wondering where I will find vacation time to accomplish everything I want to accomplish - yeah,...
August 2010
4 posts
I love that she's still my friend.
M(y) K(ind) F(riend): (after finally using my suggestion from 2007) and this is when you can say "I told you so."
Me: dude, I know it's going to happen. I tell you about something. it gets poo-pood. Then months or even years later, you realize that I'm brilliant. It's cool
MKF: My life is already enriched with things you have told me imagine how much better it would be if I took quicker action
Me: it's tough being a baller
Say yes to the note
I really enjoy writing thank you notes. Firstly, there are so many just lovely cards. Simple “Gracias” or artistic scenery shots, puppies and kittens, black and white photos, there is an endless selection of cards. Most importantly, there is an opportunity to express emotion. You know I love me some emotion.
What I don’t understand is why other people - there’s that...
OTHER PEOPLE
I’ve begun muttering to myself as I walk around Boston the simple phrase “other people.”
Yes, I likely have lost my mind. Mostly, even with hours at the gym, bottles of vodka and a fantastic pet, living in the city still stresses me the hell out.
Why in the world would it be okay to stand on an escalator with your rolling bag on the side of you, so you’re blocking the...
July 2010
4 posts
Meme this...
Things that are bold are items to which I relate.
You know you’re from MA when…
Khakis are something you start the car with
You think crosswalks are for wimps
You think if someone’s nice to you, they either want something or they are from out of town and probably lost
You know how to cross 4 lanes of traffic in 5 seconds
You are amazed when traveling out of town that...
Train Conversations
Chatty commuter #1: So, why don't more men wear short sleeved shirts?
Chatty commuter #2: I'm wearing a short sleeved shirt....
Chatty commuter #3: No, she means button-up shirts.
Chatty commuter #4: Oh! Like Dan's! Well, Dan is old fashioned!
Dan: I'm just practical! I don't like getting over heated!
*Cell phone rings louder than this inane conversation*
Commuter with cell phone: Hello?
Cell phone: Hi mom!
Commuter with cell phone: Hi, sweetie, how are you?
Cell phone: Mom, I'm so mad at Jeff! I can't believe he did that!!
Commuter with cell phone: You just have to learn to let things go... it's not really a big deal in the scheme of things...
Chatty commuter #1: I think button-up short sleeved shirts look very nice on some men!
Chatty commuter #4: Don't they remind you of what our dad's would wear in the 50s and 60s?
Cell phone: I know that we are all adults, but I am still not coming to dinner tonight. Please tell Sally that I appreciate the offer.
Commuter with cell phone: Well, you do what you think is best... Can I call you tomorrow at work?
Cell phone: Sure, Mom, that sounds good...
Chatty commuter #2: I do really like polo shirts, that's what I'm wearing, right?
Cell phone: Okay, I'll talk to you later, Mom Bye!
ENTIRE TRAIN CAR: Bye!!!
A lima bean worth of joy
Do you ever wonder what happened to that cute little thing you used to be… spinning in circles just to feel dizzy… swinging higher and higher just to feel the breeze… resisting both naps and eating weird things like broccoli or lima beans…
Somehow, somewhere along the way, we grew up. We go to work, we eat everything on our plate - much to the stretched out horror of our...
June 2010
7 posts
That'll be the Plan
“The words I write
The lines I draw
The people I assure
The rest of them too
I got no fortune
I hold no sway
But I do what I am able
For them and for you
And we’ll hold on best we can
That’ll be the plan
Stand tall my dear
You’ve spent most of your year
In the highest and truest
Way you knew how
And knowledge is nice
But knowledge can kill us
And we should have died
A...
FYI
If I’m ever so boring as to update a countdown with so much regularity as to be predictable, i.e. “5 days til chocolate cake! 4 days til chocolate cake!” ad bleeping nauseam, then please remind me of this post, then kick my stupid, boring face. In fact, remind me of this post, kick me in the face WHILE screaming: “1 kick in your stupid face! 2 kicks in your stupid...
You want to be easy
Never tried sushi? Hung up on the “curry” smell, and haven’t enjoyed chicken tikka and a lassi?
Then please, don’t leave the US.
I don’t want someone who perpetually says, ” oh, I don’t really like exotic foods…” representing me in a foreign country.
Somewhere along the way I’ve read that you have to try something 3 times before you...
Bring back big hair
No, not 80’s hair.
But, there is an obsession with perfectly straight, perfectly frizz free hair. I admit, I find myself guilty of it too. In fact, I’m so guilty, I even looked into that Brazilian blow out (pause for giggles…) business. As I have long hair it would probably cost $500 + tip (pause for husband choking…) For $500, I could spend the night in the Four...
Have you seen....
In the hopes of striking up a conversation, I asked someone, “Oh, have you heard that elephants can swim?”
“What are you talking about?”
«showed a video of baby elephant swimming, or emailed an article about said swimming elephant, or just talked a bit more about when and where I saw an elephant swimming»>
“Oh yeah, I heard/saw/read that.”
...
Stop it.
Just stop:
…. wearing those ridiculous bug-eyed sunglasses. Unless, of course, you’ve just seen the eye doctor.
… cramming your size 8 body into size 4 jeans. I don’t even want to know why you think this looks okay…
… discussing the ending of Lost as if you have a new theory. It’s not new and for duck’s sake, the point of the whole damn show is...
“… Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that...”
– Romans:3-5
May 2010
2 posts
I am not a runner
As a child I used to run on gravel and dirt roads, through woods, stopping to splash in creeks (cricks, where I’m originally from) and I would even do a few victory laps around my circle driveway. I used to imagine myself winning the race, spurred on by loud cheers from friends, family and very vocal strangers.
At some point, I grew out of running; I slowly gave up track… then...
I don't want to hurt feelings
At least, that’s what I keep telling myself when I realize I haven’t posted in ages.
I am scared of real life folks being hurt by something I say off-handedly. I generally have no thoughts of hurting someone, rather I just want to have a place, other than Twitter where I can release pent-up emotions.
So if I bash your favorite band (cough cough Coldplaysucks cough) or offend your taste in jeans...
April 2010
1 post
Mistakes
I’ve made a few…I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face… But I’ve come through!
(For One Million internets, name that tune!)
Not flossing regularly = mistake
Having that extra adult beverage = mistake
Wasting an evening watching tv = mistake
Not having the grace to accept the consequences of my mistakes = BIGGEST mistake ever, for as Oscar Wilde said,...